Not to Him
by Jade Cadello
Summary: Sherlock is dead to each and every person who ever loved him. The rest of the world doesn't believe he was ever real. As Sherlock begins to re-appear to each of his friends, he gets closer and closer to returning to the one person who brought him back to begin with: Doctor John Watson. A set of short dialogues in-character, including Irene, Mycroft, and Lestrade.
1. A debt

(_Sherlock comes up behind Irene Adler shortly after one o'clock in the morning in a dingy ally near London's Red Light district, almost a year after the fall. She doesn't even turn around as she starts to speak)_

"You're dead."

"So are you."

"Fair point. What happened to your suits? Plaid doesn't suit you, Junior."

"At least I'm not the one dressed as a streetwalker."

"How politically correct of you. Better a prostitute than…what are you? A mechanic?"

"Hydraulics engineer, actually."

"Oh, of cores you are."

"Seems you've fallen in life. Wealthier men of London not keen on chatting up a dead woman?"

"Darling, you're getting slow. How many times in a lifetime do you think a woman like me gets such a chance to change her career path?"

"And yet you're dressed as an underclass prostitute roaming the streets. You haven't had a decent mean in a few days, a man about six feet tall landed a punch on your right eye about…six minutes ago? And – oh."

"As I said, Junior. You're getting slow. Can't expect much from a dead man, though, can I?"

"A case. You're on a case."

"You _would_ call it that. Not a case, darling, just taking care of business."

"Anything I should be worried about?"

"Not in the slightest. I, however, have a feeling you're going to bring this conversation around to my hanging debt."

"And why is that?"

"You wouldn't break your grave just to say hello."


	2. Find You

_(Mycroft Holmes is standing in the recess of a doorway, watching as Irene Adler sidles past him)_

"Irene Adler."

"Whoever you are, may I kindly suggest you step into the light? I am not a patient woman, and conducting business in the dark is so unmannerly."

"And cocking an SD9 pistol at an unnamed stranger isn't a violation of common manners?"

"SD40. How did you find me?"

"By looking. I am somewhat talented at looking."

"And I am very talented at hiding."

"If it is any consolation, I have been looking for the better part of a month."

"And that's supposed to consol me? You beat me, Mycroft Holmes. You and your little brother. Isn't that enough?"

"I'm not here over that little….unpleasantness."

"You're chasing a dead man, Mycroft. I can't help you."

"Ms. Adler, would you kindly step into the light and say that again? It is easier to catch a lie if I can see your features."

"I'm the one holding the gun, Mr. Holmes."

"You aren't the only one."

"What do you mean?"

"Make any move to harm me, and I'd be happy to show you. You won't like it."

"Where's the gunman?"

"So crass. My associate is well hidden."

"I can't help you, Mr. Holmes. No one can."

"You can help me, Ms. Adler. I know you've seen him."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do not lie to me, Ms. Adler. You may be good, but not nearly good enough for that."

"…he never said where he was going. He could be in Croatia for all I know."

"What did he want?"

"He asked for money. Money and access to one of my ID forgers."

"What name did he ask for?"

"I don't know. I sent him along and that was the end of it."

"Ms. Adler, my associate would have absolutely no qualms about shooting you in the shoulder right now. Nothing lethal, but surprisingly painful to someone of your….delicate constitution."

"He asked for a passport, driver's license, government clearance card, and stationary set in the name of Mycroft Holmes."


	3. Brother Dear

_(Mycroft enters his rooms to find Sherlock sitting in the nearest chair, facing the window.)_

"Sherlock"

"Mycroft."

"Sherlock, where the hell were you?"

"Your brotherly concern is touching."

"Don't think I'm not serious, Sherlock. Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"Couldn't."

"You damn well could have. You had time to stop by Irene's new home."

"So you finally tracked her down."

"Obviously. She's doing well, your muse. Seems to have bought herself an entirely new identity. Official papers and all."

"Mycroft, I – "

"I had a call from the home secretary today, saying thanks so much for tea."

"Yes, I imagine he was quite – "

"I'm not senile, Sherlock! I was in Dorchester all of last week, and nowhere near the home secretary!"

"Mr. Cardon is an amazingly unobservant man."

"What with your make-up skills, I hardly blame him. You always were one for drama. Although I imagine it helped as you criss-crossed the globe to avoid me."

"You knew then? The fall?"

"I surmised."

"Or hoped?"

"Sherlock. An entire year? Much longer and I would have given up."

"The great Mycroft Holmes, surrendering. God forbid such a day to pass."

"Sherlock."

"I'm sorry."

"Really?"

"I'm sorry the home secretary had tea with you yesterday afternoon."

"Sherlock!"

"I needed to find Moran! I needed leverage! That was the quickest way!"

"Was it his phone? Or computer"

"Phone was closer. The police department is sending 'the home secretary' the information now."

"You couldn't have asked Lestrade? John?"

"I'm dead, remember?"

"No, you're not."

"I am to him_._"


	4. Judged Guilty

_(Scotland Yard is a mess as the fifth of a series of unexplained murders is brought in. Donavon rushes into DI Lestrade's office)_

"Donavon! What the hell's going on?"

"It's Moran, Sir, he's been found dead."

"What?"

"Your man, Lengly, heard shouting down on King's street. Found him face-down, dropped off a building, just like the others."

"Damn. How'd Lengly know it was Moran?"

"Same as we knew the others. There was a sign on his back that said: MORAN – JUDGED GUILTY."

"Is this some sort of joke? Judged guilty? None of the others said that, did they?"

"No, Sir. Just the name."

"Talk to Mr. Holmes again. I can't believe these are all just coincidences."

"I've tried, sir, but every time I get in contact, someone higher up steps in. Who is Mycroft Holmes?"

"Some government man, apparently. Donovan, we need to get this figured out. Five murders in two months, exactly the same? Tell him DI Lestrade requires his assistance, call in whatever favors, just get to him."

"You don't think…you don't think it could be…_him_, do you?"

"Donovan, I saw him discredited, disillusioned, and dead on a slab in a morgue."

"It was no more than he deserved."

"Get out."


	5. A Child

_(Sherlock is in Mycroft's flat again, standing by the mantle, in the middle of an argument)_

"I know."

"No. You don't."

"I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft!"

"Aren't you?"

"….."

"Running away when your friends needed you. Flying around the world, treating every country as your plaything. You died, Sherlock. Think carefully about whether you really want to come back."

"Damn, Mycroft! First you call me a child, then you criticize the only responsible decision I've tried to make!"

"There is a difference between criticism and critique."  
"Not with you."

"Sherlock, you're dead. Remember that."

"Expert deduction, brother."

"Sherlock, your penchant for drama does you not justice."

"What? Is that what you told Moriarty when he came calling?"

"Sherlock, I'm…I'm sorry."

"Goodbye, Mycroft."


	6. The Dearly Departed

_(Mrs. Hudson climbs up the stairs to John's flat, calling)_

"John? John?"

"mph…"

"John! Please? Lestrade's waiting below! Even Mycroft and his little brown-haired girl came!"

"I'm not going."

"Please, John, for him?"

"Do you think he cares if we visit his bloody grave?"

"Don't be like that, come on. It's only decent. The brown-haired girl is very pretty. She said hello."

"Did she text that to you?"


	7. Sentiment

_(Back in Mycroft's flat, later that evening. Sherlock has found his violin, and is playing)_

"I visited your gravestone today."

"How sentimental of you."

"He was there."

"Of course."

"And Mrs. Hudson. Lestrade. A few of your irregulars."

"Sentiment."

"And…Irene."

"What?"

"Yes."

"But she knows! She _saw_ me, for heaven's sake!"

"Does it matter? _They_ haven't."

"Why do any of them bother? Why did you bother?"

"Because they're grieving. Because their friend has been dead for a year, a friend who's sitting in front of me, too stubborn and scared to make things right!"

"I've been trying to make things right, Mycroft! Where do you think I've been for the past year?"

"Sherlock, did you ever think, when you ran, what it would do to them?"

"Of course."

"Did you ever think it would end like this?"

"It was always a possibility. But this way, at least, everyone lives."

"Dead and alive only matter if there are people to appreciate them. Right now, Sherlock, all your friends can do is marvel at just how _dead_ you really are!"

"And if I were to come back? Come back form the dead?"

"As soon as Moran is out of the equation there would be nothing holding you back."

"I know."

"You also know where Moran is. Why haven't you taken care of him yet?"

"Mycroft…"

"Sherlock. Don't be a coward."

"It's not cowardice!"

"Then what is it?!"


	8. Dead Man Walking

_(Mycroft's flat. Mycroft has left for the day. Sherlock is sitting by the window again when Irene Adler knocks on the outer door)_

"Come in."

"He's dead. Moran. The last of Moriarty's network."

"I know."

"Sherlock, he's gone. But you're still dead!"

"Ms. Adler, if you've come to persuade me, you're wasting your breath."

"I'm here to talk to you. Whether you listen or not."

"Asking me to dinner again?"

"Asking you to stop being a coward."

"Don't insult me."

"I'll do as I like. Have you seen John Watson lately? Have you talked to him?"

"….."

"I saw him at your grave last week. He looked like a brokenhearted man."

"He's a soldier. He'll recover."

"He stood by your gravestone and cried on your dead body! He's not a soldier anymore, he became a man. Because of you. And now, because you've deserted him, he's becoming a soldier again because that's the only way he knows to deal with it!"

"He'll recover. Give him time."

"He'll recover a man who carries his gun around like a security blanket because it reminds him of the only time he was happy. He'll recover a man who jumps at small noises and follows crimes like a thirsty man to water. He'll recover half that man he was, all because of you! Sherlock Holmes. I think I'm right in asking: why the hell are you still dead?!"


	9. Someone died

_(Mycroft is standing by the window in his office. Lestrade enters.)_

"Mr. Holmes. May I speak with you briefly?"

"I don't recall scheduling any meetings with you, DI Lestrade. To what do I owe the unexpected pleasure?"

"It's about the recent string of killings. I'm sure you've heard…pushed off a building, six exactly the same."

"And what do you expect me to know of the matter?"

"Mr. Holmes, I simply wished to clear up a certain matter with you. Moriarty."

"Moriarty was a fake, wasn't he? You and Sergeant Donovan made sure that was well known."

"Yes, well, _if_ Moriarty was real. If there was a criminal mastermind behind Sherlock's…Sherlock's…"

"Yes?"

"Sir, I have to ask. Did you kill Sebastian Moran?"

"No. Did you, Lestrade?"

"Wha-No!"

"Why ever not? He was a wanted criminal. He and his master led to the demise of perhaps the greatest detective this world has ever seen. I know you cared for him. I know you respected him. Now tell me, why is it that, two years ago, Sebastian Moran was still at large to wreak such havoc?"

"Sir, are you trying to imply that your brother…that any of this was my fault? Because I must protest-"

"I'm not implying anything. Simply making a suggestion. Your stupidity has costed this world more dearly than it can bear to pay. Do not make the same mistake again."

"What are you saying, Mr. Holmes?"

"I'm saying you failed before. 'Someone,' has been kind enough to relieve your error. I suggest you leave Moran's case at its successful conclusion and don't waste your time. Am I clear?"

"But Sir, Moran was killed be _someone_. As were six other men."

"And every one of those six men deserved to die five times over. If you cannot get that through your head, I suggest you leave now and stop wasting my time."

"Yes, Sir. But…Mr. Holmes. When you say 'someone'-"

"I mean precisely what I say, Detective Inspector. My secretary will show you out."


	10. Cold-hearted Bastard

_(In 221B Baker's street. John is packing up, then unpacking, constantly torn between leaving and staying. Irene enters.)_

"John."

"What-Irene! I thought you were dead! What are you doing here?"

"Now, now, doctor one question at a time. No I am not dead. Really, though, John, did you really expect he would just let me go?"

"Stop talking. Please. Don't…Don't…"

"What? Sherlock? No, don't wince, John. It had to be said. Sherlock Holmes is gone. I was gone too, remember. And yet here I am."

"Well that's fucking marvelous for you, isn't it? Now get out."

"So cold! I don't know what to say."

"My friend is dead, Ms. Adler. And you remind me of why I miss him. Isn't that enough?"

"John…"

"What now? Don't you dare offer me your condolences like every other fucking prick in this city. All the sneers at the fake detective they think I don't hear, and I'm the only one who even cares he's gone!"

"He's a bastard. A cold-hearted bastard."

"And you're a cold-hearted bitch. Get out."


	11. Watch him Die

_(Sherlock holds a syringe of cocaine over a vein in his arm. He breaths in, and out, then lowers it, only to have the needle swiped from his hand by Irene Adler)_

"Sherlock Holmes, don't you dare!"

"Why not, Ms. Adler? Come to scold me again?"

"If I have to drag you to John Watson's door gagged and bound, I will."

"That would be tremendously ambitious of you."

"And it would do you a hell of a lot more good than that thing ever will."

"A seven percent solution is ideal for my purposes, Irene. I am not in the slightest bit of danger. Do you doubt my capabilities in such matters?"

"I don't give a damn how good you are with a needle. You've left John Watson as a half-broken man in a world that has decided the only thing he's ever loved isn't real. Tell me, is that a fate you would wish on anyone?"

"Why do you think I've returned to cocaine?"

"Coward."

"I am beginning to tire of people naming me that."

"Sherlock Holmes, shying away from the truth. I'd slap some sense into you if I had my riding crop with me. Do you have one I can borrow?"

"Don't you see?! The cowardly thing to do would be relent! To give in! If I turn up at John's door and push myself back into his life, drag him back into the firing range that is my home, he'll be the next coffin I have to bury!"

"Dear god. So that's why you've stayed away."

"I would have jumped off that building to save him even if I hadn't planned for my survival. Dying for him would be easy. Living for him seems to be infinitely harder."

"Sherlock, if you don't go back to him, you won't have to live for him much longer."

"Anything's better for him than me. Don't you understand? He could have died. He could have died any of the thousand times I dragged him into danger and he followed. You say he carries his gun with him now? Before I met him, he didn't need one."

"You're wrong."

"I'm never wrong."

"Tell me where I was today."

"Obvious. Tedious. Your shoes don't show signs of walking, but there's a loose stitch in your new tights at approximately the right height for the stiletto heel of your shoe to have tapped against if your legs were crossed, so you endured a very long, tedious car ride. Long enough for you to have crossed half the city, but not to have gone outside it. Any longer and there would have been an actual hole. So, what's halfway across the city from your current residence? There's no evidence of food on your cloths, and even you aren't a dainty enough eater to avoid all signs of a meal, so you didn't stay long. So, someone you either don't know well or had little to say to. Your jewelry is very, very plain, as is your outfit. When you're meeting business associates, you dress to make an impression, so it wasn't a work related meeting, rather a social call. In that section of London, for a visit of that duration, and with such somber, unusually un-provocative clothing, I can only deduce you went to visit John this morning, and by your conversation here, I assume you kept my secret. Thank you."

"I've never regretted anything more. You should have seen the man."

"I've taken considerable pains not to."

"He's thinking of moving out of Baker's street, you know. But he can't decide. Half-caught by the memories of you. Distraught enough to wish he didn't remember. Sherlock Holmes, if you can look me in the eyes and tell me that's how you wished your best friend to live the rest of his life, I will leave right now and never trouble you again."

"I don't want to watch him die."


End file.
